Friendship centres

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I am no longer employed and would like to become an inspirational speaker to widows. We married in March and in Dec he was diagnosised with pancreatic cancer. The neurologist assessed him — testing reflexes and running through a series of diagnostic tests.

As far as I can see, grief will never truly end. Hi Laura I would like to extend my sympathies to the loss of your husband. Juaneil Strickland says, I thought it would be something about grief, losing the mate - and I didn't want to hear it.

Social group for widows, widowers provides network for sharing

The toast — To our next adventure. The laughter is triggered by one of those widows, Lesley Jacobs, 51, who cites a legend that if you fail to look each other in the eye during a toast, you'll never have sex again. Dawn Jiosi, 48, mentions a less drastic version: no sex for a year. Well, Jacobs deadpans, we all know we can do that. Three years ago, the women widows social groups strangers with but one thing in common — their husbands had died. Three had children, three did not. One was married for only 14 months, two for 29 years. They're now friends, thanks to Aikman, a widow herself. For a year, they met once a month, usually Saturday nights, in their own amateur support group. They talked about unwelcome anniversaries and dreams with reappearing husbands and the awkwardness of dating again. But mostly they did things together for fun. They took a cooking class and widows social groups private tour of the Metropolitan Museum of Art that focused on works reflecting loss and recovery. They went to a spa and shopped together for sexy lingerie. And near the end of the year, they spent 10 days in Morocco, riding camels and celebrating what a difference friends can make. Their leader was Aikman, a former reporter at Newsday and Businessweek who has written her debut book. If becoming a widow is like getting lost in a foreign terrain, Aikman was the first of the group to go exploring. After 20 years of marriage, her husband, Bernie Lefkowitz, died of cancer in 2004 at age 66. A year later, Aikman was still weeping, yearning for what I could not have and uncertain who to become next. She tried a widows support group at the 92nd Street Y. It was a teary and depressing disaster, she says, that devolved into a who's most pitiful contest among bitter, older widows. Later, the group's leader told her she didn't fit in. She writes, I was a wife without a husband, and now I was a widow without a widows support group. Out of her grief-muddled agitation, she vowed to start her own group, a renegade group. We would simply live and explore and share, together and apart, out there in the world. She recalls thinking, 'How bad could that be. First she researched what's known about how people experience grief and survive loss. She learned about popular misconceptions about Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' The Stages of Grief, used widows social groups holy grail of pathos, as Aikman puts it, by the support group she found so disappointing. Her book quotes psychologist David Goldenberg saying that there are no five stages of grief and that Kubler-Ross studied people who were dying, not widows or others who were grieving. Goldenberg told her: People who are grieving don't necessarily follow any particular pattern, and emotions of loss and sadness are more likely to come in waves that lessen over time. Nina Subin Aikman found that was true for her. After a series of bad dates — an investment guy told her, You don't look too sad for a widow — she fell in love with Bob Spitz, who has written biographies of Julia Child and Bob Dylan. They were married in 2008 after she realized it's possible to love two men at once, one who was present and one who lived only in memory. At the same time, she recruited candidates for a support group through friends and acquaintances. She told the widows that she thought it could be a book, the kind of book I wanted to read when I was widowed, when I had no idea what I was doing. By their first meeting, a pot-luck supper in January 2010, she had found five other widows: - Denise Roy, now 42, is a Manhattan book editor whose husband, Steve, 50, died of a heart attack in 2009 at age 50. They had been married only 14months. She didn't see myself as someone who would join a formal group, especially after hearing what happened to Becky, but I also felt I didn't have a guide or road map to what was happening to me. I felt this would be a way to create that. Her husband of 10 years, Andries, died at 40 in an all-terrain vehicle accident in 2008. She hadn't joined a widows group, avoiding anyone else who was really in a bad state because, quite frankly, I wasn't completely out of it myself. But this felt like it was going to be different and positive, and it was. Her husband of 26 years, Kevin committed suicide in 2008, when he was 50. I had a story to tell, she says. There's a stigma attached to suicide, and there shouldn't be. My husband died of an illness. I think we can we can grow and learn and teach other people. Her husband of 29 years, David died of a heart attack in 2009 at 56. She thought the last thing I needed is a group of women who are sad and going through pain. I had decided I needed to move past the pain and be positive. My perception of this kind of group is that it would hold me back. Becky convinced me it could be fun and forward-looking. I'm not sure why I agreed to do it, but I'm glad I did. Her husband Martindied of cancer in 2009 at 62. They were married for 29 years. She was actually looking for this kind of group, widows social groups as a private person, the idea of being in a book gave her pause until she decided, maybe my story could help others. But as long as we're doing it, here's to doing it in style, and here's to doing it in good company. Earlier this month, most of the group met for lunch. Only Wallace couldn't make it — she was too busy at work, living up to her description in the book as all business. Their conversation turns to the fact that the group began as strangers: That helped, Olson says. Your old friends had known you as a couple, which comes with a lot of baggage and invitations to what I call ladies' luncheons. But that's not what you said to your friends. You said, 'Thank for your kindness. People thought our situation was that our husbands had died. But we look more at it that we were in this situation where we had to become new people. And our friends who knew us from before didn't see that aspect the same way we saw it. Of the six women, only Aikman has remarried. Olson says, For me, it wasn't widows social groups finding a man or marrying again, but of living. Becky had gotten there, and so could we. We are taking our time, she says about scheduling a wedding, but right from the start, Lesley wanted to know what color the bridesmaids' dresses will be. Roy and Wallace remain open to romantic possibilities. The group no longer schedules monthly outings. But they still see one another often. Aikman, who no longer shows up with a reporter's notebook and tape recorder, says, Now, we're more like real friends.

I cry at the drop of a hat of course in private. This may not get to anyone, but at least I tried. It was a teary and depressing disaster, she says, that devolved into a who's most pitiful contest among bitter, older widows. I did a 5 week grief course early into my loss, I don't really remember an awful lot about it, except it was good to have somewhere to go once a week, and be with others like me who had some understanding. Membership Eligibility: Initial membership is restricted to widows and widowers. We have found that hearing others talk about their difficulties often help us, even if we don't share the same experience. Attend each one, or those that are most convenient for you. I am looking for a widow support group near Baton Rouge, La.